It's been a while hasnt it?

I'm sorry.

I cant say that I've been busier than ever or that i have been too busy to write. but i guess you could say my time has been a little taken up by the holiday season.

that and i have just been filling up all my free time doing other things forgetting about even having this blog.

but I'm here now ready to fill you in with all the happenings in the past month.

 

 

So first lets talk about the guy.

yup that's right the same guy, the one i have talked about this whole time. the one that keeps coming and going. the last time he left my heart in millions of pieces. small, shredded, confused pieces. yes you can definitely say that he hurt me.

well surprise surprise eh? He is trying to get me back.

I took him up on his offer and went out with him one night, probably shouldn't have done that. But it was the first time i seen or talked to him in a long time. since he crushed my heart.

despite it all i guess i just cant stop loving him. but anyways after that night i swore to myself that i wouldn't go back to him. i couldn't go back to him for the 100th time. He hurt me too bad the last for me to go back and risk the hurt again. but then we started talking on a daily basis. we started hanging together at school. we went to a few more ball games together, and now he is trying harder than ever to get me back.

But you know what i decided? and i wont change my mind.

this time. its over.

 

and I'm fine with that, I'm finally ready to let him go.

Next came along the end of a year, the beginning of a winter season, and being caught in the middle of a wonderful Christmas. <3

I'm not trying to make excuses of why i haven't been writing but end of the year finals kept me busy busy busy. Then winter break started, all the free time to write, well i slept in a little late, watched too many the vampire diaries reruns and got deeply into the hunger games books.

Just letting you know. i am addicted to the vampire diaries. i own both full seasons and i have been trying to watch all the episodes again before next Thursday when the 3rd season starts up again. There's something about Damon Salvatore that melts me. Oh that man.

And now there is a new addiction arising in me. The Hunger Games. I just got my hands on these books and it took me just 2 days to plow through the first book. If you haven't read the hunger games yet, your missing out. I'm about to start the second book and i hope it keeps me on my toes just as well as the first one did.

So no excuses on the whole no blogging thing. just lots of reading and TV..

 

 

there's one last thing i got to tell you about.

how do you feel about a blind date?

well how do i feel about being set up in a blind date? I'm not so sure just yet.

I wont tell you the whole story because it can get a bit complicated and a little long to explain but to try and make it short, one of my moms coworkers has a grandson. i haven't met him but i heard hes cute. he's a year older and from one town over.

My mom works at a bank so i always go in there and so does the mystery boy. but we have yet to run into each other.. the bank people are trying to set us up i guess.

Maybe ill blog about the results. but for now all i can ask for is...

wish me luck.

 

 

<3

 

sixteen

Being sixteen is hell. Being a sixteen year old girl, well that's hell times 2.

sixteen reasons why?

1. change. I don't know about all sixteen year olds but i know that I'm going through many changes. Personality, friends, feelings, beliefs, body, boys...etc.

2. parents. yep when your sixteen you go through that whole hating your parents thing.

3. attitude. its true every sixteen year old needs a slight attitude adjustment, we get bitchy at times. reason why attitude is hell: no one likes it, especially the angry elders.

4. fitting in. when your changing and don't know exactly who you are at the moment how are you supposed to know where you fit in?

5. school. (explanatory in itself, we all know how school works)
6. drama. oh us girls sure know how to be dramatic, especially at 16, i think we hit our drama heights.

       7. boys. there everywhere you look. assholes, and sweethearts. Good ones and bad ones. one day you love em the next you despise them.

8. bitches. i guess when your sixteen you forget about other peoples feelings. you forget what its like to be nice to others. i couldn't even count on both hands how many bitches have came up to me and told me off like it was nothing, and its only the end of 1st semester. 

9. decisions. time to start deciding what to do with your life, here's a list of 8,000 jobs, pick one. what!

10. our sensitivity. At this time in our lives, with our hormones going crazy, we get a little emotional.

11. needy. were older now but we still want things done for us, well to dang bad, your old enough to hold your own responsibilities now.

 12. life is no longer simple. what happened to nap time? milk and cookie breaks? no worries in the world.

13. age. your too old, and too young at the same time.

14. pressure. when 16, you find yourself being pressured into many things. either good or bad.

15. common sense. only a few of us have it, but all of us have our moments when we have none. and then we make our mistakes.

16. being sixteen is simply hell because, well your sixteen.

But being sixteen also just so happens to be one of the best years in your life.

sixteen reasons why?

1. explore. its the perfect time to find out who you are, explore new things, experiment.

2. friends. the ones the count, the ones that matter, their there for you, trust me.

3. young love. when your sixteen you get to fall in love, and fall in love again. love is going to hurt you, but now is the time for beautiful young love.

4. license. (that's another one of those explanatory things. you can drive.)

5. parties. fun times with friends, late nights, and getting into trouble.

6. mistakes. we learn from them, we grow stronger from them.

7. top of the trend. when your old and when your children fashion isn't always 'fashion'. at this age we get to dress crazy, lazy, spunky, funky, hot and sexy.

8. flirting. for those of us who are single, well you know how fun it is to flirt. and at sixteen you can pull off all the best flirting moves.

9. work hard play harder. not only are we having the times of our life on the weekend, and some week nights. we manege to get in our report for history class by Monday morning somehow and totally pass.

10. boys. its 'that' time if you know what i mean. now we know of the birds and the bee's.

11. making memories. sixteen isn't the time to reminisce in the past just yet, its time to make the memories happen.

12. outspoken. now is the time to not hold back. tell people off, speak your mind. we are teenagers and have a new incite on things, new ideas. time to share them.

13. laugh, cry, and get mad. like i said our emotions are heightened, and it can be hell but it also makes things so much better too.

14. somewhere in the middle. times like these life isn't too hard, though its not easy either we manage.

15. energy. we can be the life of the party. are bones are still lose and our metabolism is astonishing.

16. life. its precious, live it to its fullest. be sixteen and wild.

sixteen has all its ups and all its downs but always live it to its largest, fill it with memories, and never regret a thing you do.
try not to miss out on the best years of your life, you only get one chance at life.

AND ALWAYS LIVE ABOVE THE INFLUENCE

<3

boy oh boy

so there's this new boy in town. he's oh so cute and I'm not sure why but hes definitely caught my attention. maybe its because he's cute, funny, and smart. or maybe its because he sits in front of me in history class. either way, he has my number now and i think i might like this boy.

Ok so he's not exactly new in town. He has always been around, been in some part of my group of friends but iv never really talked to him, or even paid much attention to this boy. but thanks to history, biology, band, and English, he is now on my radar.

We have been talking and i swear he gets cuter with every word and i hope he thinks the same of me. ha no I'm not saying i want to marry the guy, or even fall head over heels for him, i just want to like him a little, and for him to like me back.

all i need is a crush for once.

I'm a girl that just wants to be noticed. wants to be thought of and liked. and no i don't mean by her parents, she needs someone else, like a boy.

I'm young and tired of being all tied up from my last heart break, so i could use a new crush right now,  and i believe iv found one. 

ps. i hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving :)

Real or Rumor?

Well how do you know? You hear so many rumors, and you hear so many truths.

How can you tell which story is real and which story is rumor. 



Words spread like wild fire weather its big news or no big deal at all.
Lately i have been hearing many things, all big news, and all very hurtful to me.
Then i had to ask myself questions...
Is this seriously true? Do i confront them about it? Are they still my friend?
What if it is just a rumor? Am i making to big of a deal about this?

I say always go to the person, they may tell you the truth and confess to it.
Or they may not have done anything the rumors says anyways.
The worst they can do is say the rumor isn't true when you can see that it clearly is.

Don't worry your pretty little head too much on rumors or even the real deal,
It all blows over in time and a new day always begins.
Stand strong, confront, and move on.

Sometimes I get Lost

Some days, like today, i just get lost.

I don't know what to do, things that usually excite me, slightly bore me today.

I pick up my camera, then look outside and see the cold, and set my camera down.

I sit at my piano, play a few notes, then get back up and walk away.

I open my laptop, bring up the book I'm writing, then exit out.

All the things that make my life everything that i am, just bore me today.

so i guess today is just a day to be bored.

Tomorrow lets hope i wake up ready to be me once again. 

Its a New Day

I started out knowing.

knowing what i would do

where i would go

who i was with.

But now its all different.

Its the beginning of a new day.



So many things have changed. So many people have changed.

I can't explain to you why i started a blog if i can't even keep up a daily or weekly post.

But this is my life. I am a teenager. My days get busy, i procrastinate and get behind.

I change my mind and i change my mind again. I don't keep every promise

and honestly i do tell lies. But I'm trying to find the times. The times that i have to myself.

Sometimes when i find that time rather than sitting on here and writing i read instead

or i just get so fed up with being so busy all i want to do is go to sleep, so then that's what i do.

but anyways as I'm saying, walking around being a teenage girl isn't so easy.

Just in the past few months that i have started this blog i have changed so much.

My friends have changed, my plans get changed.

I thought this would be my every night oasis, my secret little journal,

one that i share to the world. turns out i just don't have that time.

I miss the long summer days. Then i was free of hectic schedules.

Now were changing and creeping our way into the dead of winter. Now there long days of school.

And even school has changed. No not the halls, not the subjects. But the people in the school.

Even the way Student council is ran has changed.

Maybe I'm saying I'm not a big fan of change, but i guess most times its the best thing to do.

I know i have changed because when i look around, my friends aren't exactly the same as

they always have been. The classes i excel in and fail in have flip flopped.

And most of all i am different in some way. I'm louder, stronger, and most definitely a new me.

And i know exactly who the person is that changed me.

The guy.

When i was with him i think i was starting to find myself. He brought out every real part in me.

I wasn't afraid to hide who i was and who i was becoming. He made me better, he made me who i now am. Even though he isn't my guy anymore, he is still and always will be the guy.

as Katy Perry says.. he was the one that got away.

Its a funny thing to find someone that was your other half at an age so young as mine.

but even when i talk about it with my mom who has been married for over 20 years,

she tells me that he was and still is a very big part of me.

she told me that me and him were made for each other, but were just to young to figure that out.

But now even though he will always be my perfect puzzle piece, I'm my own person.

So i started out knowing this was my blog.

Now i don't know if it will last.

I started out knowing i would write every day.

Now i know that's not happening.

I started out knowing I would go further with this.

Now if i keep doing what I'm doing, that's not going to happen either.

I started out knowing i was writing just what popped in my head that day.

But now most of it has been about him and being a teen.

I started out knowing i was shy.

Now I'm blunt, loud, and crazy :)

I started out knowing i would go to college for writing.

Now i think i might go for music, but this i still a don't know.

I started out knowing i would always go places with him.

And i did but now that's done.

I started out knowing i would spend all my time with him.

Now i know its over. this time for real.

And now i know its all different.

Its all new.

and I'm starting a new day.

The Start of a Future.

This girl has big dreams,

and an even bigger future.

So me being a sophomore and all

i have begun to think of a future.

a real one.

though putting dreams aside and trying

to get my mind out of the clouds

and into reality

is much harder than you might ever imagine,

i have worked my way through it.

Over and over again

i am being asked what it is

i want to be, what i want to do, where i want to go.

big decisions.

i am a huge dreamer, so thinking about the future

for me it is always extremely elaborate

and surreal.

Knowing i need to clear my head

and get going with graduation,

college,

and a career

so close in front of me,

i have sat down and thought.

Trust me it hasn't been so easy.

struggling through the thousands of different

job opportunities is overwhelming.

though some things have came in

a very close race.

 

english writing?

journalism?

teaching?

music director?

publicist?

They all came close,

some i tried to mix,

a music journalist?

an english teacher?

well in the end,

the one that i kept going back to,

was a

music teacher.

music has always

and forever

been very close to my heart.

and me being a dreamer,

i wish to go further than a music teacher,

maybe be a music producer,

a music publicist,

something major.

For me that all sounds like the

unable, the impossible.

Yes i know it can be done,

enough time, effort, dedication, money.

and you can do anything your wildest dreams

could ever imagine.

But with me being in reality,

my biggest future plan as of now is a music teacher.

I'd love love love,

to teach music to kids,

let them enjoy and fall in love with

music as much as i have.

But who knows,

thoughts can always change.

Maybe next year i will want to be

something completely different,

something iv never thought of before.

we will just have to see.

But for now, I'm extremely happy

with my career choice.

Ill strive to be the best, work harder,

and aim higher at becoming something more.

have you thought about your career?

or do you love the career you chose?

your wannabeblogger

gone for so long

Im sorry to all my readers

for being gone so long.

Life has been busy.

So many things have happened in the

time that has passed.

Last things i wrote about

was the horrific break up.

since then i have had many ups,

and many downs.

Down: trying to get over my him and failing.

Up: Boys from everywhere showing new interest.

Down: hurting a friend telling him i dont like him like that.

Up: Winning band competitions.

Down: losing a friend.

Up: gaining a new best friend.

Down: getting sucked into a guy that really meant nothing to me.

Up: I got new little kittens <3

Down: i pushed the one that sucked me in away.

(far away. all the way to pissed off land)

and finally the best up there is..

My him is once again mine.

 yes my past few weeks have been

slightly bipolar.

This week is

SPIRIT WEEK!

and homecoming is Friday night.

After all this time.

And all the mess.

Homecoming night will be all about

me and the one i love so much.

Always will love so much.

Always have loved so much.

I know im only 16.

Call me crazy,

or call it young love.

But this time..

Im not letting him escape.

your wannabeblogger

Take a Sick Day



Sadly to say i have been getting sick.

Only the worst thing ever!

Stuffy nose, Itchy eyes, Coughing, and Sleep deprived.

I hate being sick, the awful feeling of just wanting to do nothing.

And to make things even more horrible.

 this weekend is my sweet sixteen birthday party!

I best not be sick on my sweet sixteenth.

I hope i get better :(

I have an awesome birthday planned,

and i hope all goes well.

So for this week its all juices, soups, and medicines.

Cozy blankets, rest, and hope.

Though no matter what,

I'm pretty sure that my sweet 16 will turn out to be

amazing.

<3

your wannabeblogger

miss me will you??

You moved on so quickly,
did you even have time to miss me at all?

I don't wan't you back,
i just want to be missed.

Erasing Time

well i am no longer dating the guy

that used to be wonderful.

we spent months of out lives together,

day in and day out.

but lets not get ahead of ourselves now,

it was but only another one of those

high school relationships,

one of those good ones that you think back on

when your older and wonder

what if?

but for now i just keep playing

riding solo by Jason Derulo

over and over again on my iPod

so that way i can remind myself that it's not always

such a bad thing to be single.

more time for your girls

 

and lots more flirting!

being a teen you must know your going to be

heart broken time and time again

as you move from one boy to the next.

but just knowing that doesn't always make it any easier.

soon enough ill find another guy,

hey may be better

or he may be worse.

(I'm only 16 so most likely not my future husband

but since you absolutely never know)

he may be the one, or he may be this weeks fling.

who really knows?

but anyways for now

I'm just going to erase time.

not completely though,

i may want to go back and remember.

but for now it hurts to much to think about our days,

so let's erase.

your wannabeblogger

Then Throw Away The Key.

can you honestly tell me you keep

every secret your told?

i bet not.

weather your a girl or a boy you have gossiped before.

its just a part of teenage life.

its a part of every one's life.

every person talks and a secret is never safe.

yes its true

sometimes there is a friend out there who would

never say a word.

they will lock their lips shut

then throw away the key

for you

I'm grateful for friends like that and glad

to say that i have one.

secrets are meant to be kept.

gossiping shouldn't be a major part of our lives

but it is.

and lets face it

gossiping is very fun, i do it too, 

everyone does.

and i know your going to tell someones secret,

who doesn't,

but  if you have just that one friend,

that you would do anything for,

then keep her secrets.

your wannabeblogger