my life is a country song



its back to summer now.

days are spent sleeping in the sun and nights are spent out partying in a barn.

being that its summer i now have a little more free time to write to you all.

i have been out of school for a week and so far each and every one of my days has been filled up. from shopping to the river, i have had not a second of free time. until now. seven o'clock on a Monday night. (memorial day!) and i have free time.

so like the title says, my life has become a country song.

you know the ones that talk about a guy backroading with his hunny bee. the ones where the guys sing about if they didn't have the woman their with, then they would be out looking for a woman like her. the songs about big trucks, dirt roads, rivers, ice cold beer. 

i got me an old 89' dodge pick up truck. no hun not anything fancy. this big old thing is meant to be driven down gravel roads, through mud, and cowboy boots up on the dash board.

i haven't had it long but iv already had so much dang fun with it.

yeah I'm one of those girls who fall in love with her truck. :)

the other day me and my babe, took it out back roading out on the prairie. drove through a few fields and even through the river. that's what i love about having 4 wheel drive. you can go anywhere.

me and my guy took it out in a big open hay field and just laid their for a while, talking bout the good times we had, and the good times were going to have.

yeah i feel like a love song. i have one of those things that you think isn't possible. i might sound a little cheesey here but my guy means everything to me. i might be slightly addicted to my boyfriend :p

its crazy how much you can love a person. i have no idea how i got here, but I'm so glad i did.

if you haven't found the one yet, i really hope you get to find them and experience this.

I'm so lucky to have him.

well summer has just begun and i plan to live it up. so i best be getting off of here and start jumping into the water.

ill write soon.

<3

The Best and The Worst

This weekend i had the best time of my life.

You want to know why?

I went to a concert, not just any old concert...

Scotty McCreery, The Band Perry, and Brad Paisley!!!!!!!

There are not enough words in the English dictionary to explain how amazing this night was.



Scotty, this beautiful boy, can there possibly be a more amazing guy out there?

I just don't think so. He sang his heart out to every song.

I got to meet the band perry!!

Really nice people, and so amazing.

ohhhhh Brad :)

Don't forget about the gorgeous Carrie Underwood! <3

I couldn't have asked for a better concert.

we had great seats and a great time. i would go again and again if i could.

So the concert was the best.

are you ready to here the worst?

Sorry to bring up the guy again but hey that's what this blog is about right?

Well we broke up again, surprise surprise eh?

I feel used.

Who knows what will happen in the future, i don't regret dating him, ever..

i still love this guy, so i may make another bad mistake and take him back or i may say I'm done with all of this. i don't own a crystal ball. just a magic 8 one.

but for now I'm going to forget him and remember my Saturday night with Scotty, the man i really love

;p

Its a Beautiful Snow Day

Its a snow day. Finally. 

Now that I'm stuck at home for the day i have time to write and fill you in on how my life has been and what i have been up to. 

First of all, this time has been the best, i thought i was i making the worst decision of my life going back to the same boy that this blog has always been about. He's broke my heart multiple times and put it back together again and again. I love him so much. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me he truly deeply loves me. and i love him back. For being so young i know i shouldn't revolve my world around this guy, but its so hard not to. When I'm sick, he brings me chocolate. When I'm happy, its because of him. Every time i listen to what my mind is thinking, he is definitely on it. He makes an appearance in every one of my dreams. Its scares me to hell that he is enlisting in the marines. I don't want to lose him. I know i am going to be crushed if we ever split up again. but for now everything is perfect with me and my boy. I am extremely happy with my love life.

Second, i finally moved downstairs! My bedroom is beautiful and i love it. Its everything i am. It took three whole weeks to completely renovate the space and make it my own. Finally i have the space in my closet for every piece of my wardrobe, which i must say is excessively large. and yes i am using my walk in closet AND the spare bedroom closet as well. What can i say, I'm a fashionista. :) I have my room all decorated up with my black and white Paris theme and just the other day i updated all of my picture frames with new pictures of my friends and me. I love my friends so dearly.

Third, there was homecoming. I ran for sophomore attendant, and i must say i looked gorgeous in my wonderful blue dress. Me and my friends lit up the dance floor that night. Usually i always come home saying that the dances never last long enough, but this time i came home saying it was too long. Maybe because all i wanted to do was get out of there and spend time with my guy, and that's just what i did. That night me and my boy went riding down that back roads, so much fun.

Fourth, I went to my first crazy wild party. I admit i did get a little drunk that night, but oh did i have the greatest time of my life. Me and my closest friends partied up the night. And yeah we all got away with it. We are young wild and can't let our parent know what we are doing. :p i thought we were going to get caught but we never did. we all had so much fun and the mothers don't know a thing. they think we had a sleep over,  it was much better than a sleep over.

I'm loving my life, and i never regret a thing i do. You only get one chance to live, and I'm going to live it up to its fullest. so its a snow day, I'm off to go play in the cold.

audios amigos! 

commitment issues

I said i was going to write a book. There are still days that i say I'm going to write three books.
I must be crazy, because 2 years later and I'm still only on chapter 3.

I said i was going to learn one of Yiruma's amazing songs on piano.
and iv only made it slightly past the second verse.

I said i was going to keep a blog. i hardly ever write.



I said that i was done with him forever, now were back together again.

i guess you could say i have major commitment issues.

It's been a while hasnt it?

I'm sorry.

I cant say that I've been busier than ever or that i have been too busy to write. but i guess you could say my time has been a little taken up by the holiday season.

that and i have just been filling up all my free time doing other things forgetting about even having this blog.

but I'm here now ready to fill you in with all the happenings in the past month.

 

 

So first lets talk about the guy.

yup that's right the same guy, the one i have talked about this whole time. the one that keeps coming and going. the last time he left my heart in millions of pieces. small, shredded, confused pieces. yes you can definitely say that he hurt me.

well surprise surprise eh? He is trying to get me back.

I took him up on his offer and went out with him one night, probably shouldn't have done that. But it was the first time i seen or talked to him in a long time. since he crushed my heart.

despite it all i guess i just cant stop loving him. but anyways after that night i swore to myself that i wouldn't go back to him. i couldn't go back to him for the 100th time. He hurt me too bad the last for me to go back and risk the hurt again. but then we started talking on a daily basis. we started hanging together at school. we went to a few more ball games together, and now he is trying harder than ever to get me back.

But you know what i decided? and i wont change my mind.

this time. its over.

 

and I'm fine with that, I'm finally ready to let him go.

Next came along the end of a year, the beginning of a winter season, and being caught in the middle of a wonderful Christmas. <3

I'm not trying to make excuses of why i haven't been writing but end of the year finals kept me busy busy busy. Then winter break started, all the free time to write, well i slept in a little late, watched too many the vampire diaries reruns and got deeply into the hunger games books.

Just letting you know. i am addicted to the vampire diaries. i own both full seasons and i have been trying to watch all the episodes again before next Thursday when the 3rd season starts up again. There's something about Damon Salvatore that melts me. Oh that man.

And now there is a new addiction arising in me. The Hunger Games. I just got my hands on these books and it took me just 2 days to plow through the first book. If you haven't read the hunger games yet, your missing out. I'm about to start the second book and i hope it keeps me on my toes just as well as the first one did.

So no excuses on the whole no blogging thing. just lots of reading and TV..

 

 

there's one last thing i got to tell you about.

how do you feel about a blind date?

well how do i feel about being set up in a blind date? I'm not so sure just yet.

I wont tell you the whole story because it can get a bit complicated and a little long to explain but to try and make it short, one of my moms coworkers has a grandson. i haven't met him but i heard hes cute. he's a year older and from one town over.

My mom works at a bank so i always go in there and so does the mystery boy. but we have yet to run into each other.. the bank people are trying to set us up i guess.

Maybe ill blog about the results. but for now all i can ask for is...

wish me luck.

 

 

<3

 

sixteen

Being sixteen is hell. Being a sixteen year old girl, well that's hell times 2.

sixteen reasons why?

1. change. I don't know about all sixteen year olds but i know that I'm going through many changes. Personality, friends, feelings, beliefs, body, boys...etc.

2. parents. yep when your sixteen you go through that whole hating your parents thing.

3. attitude. its true every sixteen year old needs a slight attitude adjustment, we get bitchy at times. reason why attitude is hell: no one likes it, especially the angry elders.

4. fitting in. when your changing and don't know exactly who you are at the moment how are you supposed to know where you fit in?

5. school. (explanatory in itself, we all know how school works)
6. drama. oh us girls sure know how to be dramatic, especially at 16, i think we hit our drama heights.

       7. boys. there everywhere you look. assholes, and sweethearts. Good ones and bad ones. one day you love em the next you despise them.

8. bitches. i guess when your sixteen you forget about other peoples feelings. you forget what its like to be nice to others. i couldn't even count on both hands how many bitches have came up to me and told me off like it was nothing, and its only the end of 1st semester. 

9. decisions. time to start deciding what to do with your life, here's a list of 8,000 jobs, pick one. what!

10. our sensitivity. At this time in our lives, with our hormones going crazy, we get a little emotional.

11. needy. were older now but we still want things done for us, well to dang bad, your old enough to hold your own responsibilities now.

 12. life is no longer simple. what happened to nap time? milk and cookie breaks? no worries in the world.

13. age. your too old, and too young at the same time.

14. pressure. when 16, you find yourself being pressured into many things. either good or bad.

15. common sense. only a few of us have it, but all of us have our moments when we have none. and then we make our mistakes.

16. being sixteen is simply hell because, well your sixteen.

But being sixteen also just so happens to be one of the best years in your life.

sixteen reasons why?

1. explore. its the perfect time to find out who you are, explore new things, experiment.

2. friends. the ones the count, the ones that matter, their there for you, trust me.

3. young love. when your sixteen you get to fall in love, and fall in love again. love is going to hurt you, but now is the time for beautiful young love.

4. license. (that's another one of those explanatory things. you can drive.)

5. parties. fun times with friends, late nights, and getting into trouble.

6. mistakes. we learn from them, we grow stronger from them.

7. top of the trend. when your old and when your children fashion isn't always 'fashion'. at this age we get to dress crazy, lazy, spunky, funky, hot and sexy.

8. flirting. for those of us who are single, well you know how fun it is to flirt. and at sixteen you can pull off all the best flirting moves.

9. work hard play harder. not only are we having the times of our life on the weekend, and some week nights. we manege to get in our report for history class by Monday morning somehow and totally pass.

10. boys. its 'that' time if you know what i mean. now we know of the birds and the bee's.

11. making memories. sixteen isn't the time to reminisce in the past just yet, its time to make the memories happen.

12. outspoken. now is the time to not hold back. tell people off, speak your mind. we are teenagers and have a new incite on things, new ideas. time to share them.

13. laugh, cry, and get mad. like i said our emotions are heightened, and it can be hell but it also makes things so much better too.

14. somewhere in the middle. times like these life isn't too hard, though its not easy either we manage.

15. energy. we can be the life of the party. are bones are still lose and our metabolism is astonishing.

16. life. its precious, live it to its fullest. be sixteen and wild.

sixteen has all its ups and all its downs but always live it to its largest, fill it with memories, and never regret a thing you do.
try not to miss out on the best years of your life, you only get one chance at life.

AND ALWAYS LIVE ABOVE THE INFLUENCE

<3

boy oh boy

so there's this new boy in town. he's oh so cute and I'm not sure why but hes definitely caught my attention. maybe its because he's cute, funny, and smart. or maybe its because he sits in front of me in history class. either way, he has my number now and i think i might like this boy.

Ok so he's not exactly new in town. He has always been around, been in some part of my group of friends but iv never really talked to him, or even paid much attention to this boy. but thanks to history, biology, band, and English, he is now on my radar.

We have been talking and i swear he gets cuter with every word and i hope he thinks the same of me. ha no I'm not saying i want to marry the guy, or even fall head over heels for him, i just want to like him a little, and for him to like me back.

all i need is a crush for once.

I'm a girl that just wants to be noticed. wants to be thought of and liked. and no i don't mean by her parents, she needs someone else, like a boy.

I'm young and tired of being all tied up from my last heart break, so i could use a new crush right now,  and i believe iv found one. 

ps. i hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving :)

Real or Rumor?

Well how do you know? You hear so many rumors, and you hear so many truths.

How can you tell which story is real and which story is rumor. 



Words spread like wild fire weather its big news or no big deal at all.
Lately i have been hearing many things, all big news, and all very hurtful to me.
Then i had to ask myself questions...
Is this seriously true? Do i confront them about it? Are they still my friend?
What if it is just a rumor? Am i making to big of a deal about this?

I say always go to the person, they may tell you the truth and confess to it.
Or they may not have done anything the rumors says anyways.
The worst they can do is say the rumor isn't true when you can see that it clearly is.

Don't worry your pretty little head too much on rumors or even the real deal,
It all blows over in time and a new day always begins.
Stand strong, confront, and move on.

Sometimes I get Lost

Some days, like today, i just get lost.

I don't know what to do, things that usually excite me, slightly bore me today.

I pick up my camera, then look outside and see the cold, and set my camera down.

I sit at my piano, play a few notes, then get back up and walk away.

I open my laptop, bring up the book I'm writing, then exit out.

All the things that make my life everything that i am, just bore me today.

so i guess today is just a day to be bored.

Tomorrow lets hope i wake up ready to be me once again. 

Its a New Day

I started out knowing.

knowing what i would do

where i would go

who i was with.

But now its all different.

Its the beginning of a new day.



So many things have changed. So many people have changed.

I can't explain to you why i started a blog if i can't even keep up a daily or weekly post.

But this is my life. I am a teenager. My days get busy, i procrastinate and get behind.

I change my mind and i change my mind again. I don't keep every promise

and honestly i do tell lies. But I'm trying to find the times. The times that i have to myself.

Sometimes when i find that time rather than sitting on here and writing i read instead

or i just get so fed up with being so busy all i want to do is go to sleep, so then that's what i do.

but anyways as I'm saying, walking around being a teenage girl isn't so easy.

Just in the past few months that i have started this blog i have changed so much.

My friends have changed, my plans get changed.

I thought this would be my every night oasis, my secret little journal,

one that i share to the world. turns out i just don't have that time.

I miss the long summer days. Then i was free of hectic schedules.

Now were changing and creeping our way into the dead of winter. Now there long days of school.

And even school has changed. No not the halls, not the subjects. But the people in the school.

Even the way Student council is ran has changed.

Maybe I'm saying I'm not a big fan of change, but i guess most times its the best thing to do.

I know i have changed because when i look around, my friends aren't exactly the same as

they always have been. The classes i excel in and fail in have flip flopped.

And most of all i am different in some way. I'm louder, stronger, and most definitely a new me.

And i know exactly who the person is that changed me.

The guy.

When i was with him i think i was starting to find myself. He brought out every real part in me.

I wasn't afraid to hide who i was and who i was becoming. He made me better, he made me who i now am. Even though he isn't my guy anymore, he is still and always will be the guy.

as Katy Perry says.. he was the one that got away.

Its a funny thing to find someone that was your other half at an age so young as mine.

but even when i talk about it with my mom who has been married for over 20 years,

she tells me that he was and still is a very big part of me.

she told me that me and him were made for each other, but were just to young to figure that out.

But now even though he will always be my perfect puzzle piece, I'm my own person.

So i started out knowing this was my blog.

Now i don't know if it will last.

I started out knowing i would write every day.

Now i know that's not happening.

I started out knowing I would go further with this.

Now if i keep doing what I'm doing, that's not going to happen either.

I started out knowing i was writing just what popped in my head that day.

But now most of it has been about him and being a teen.

I started out knowing i was shy.

Now I'm blunt, loud, and crazy :)

I started out knowing i would go to college for writing.

Now i think i might go for music, but this i still a don't know.

I started out knowing i would always go places with him.

And i did but now that's done.

I started out knowing i would spend all my time with him.

Now i know its over. this time for real.

And now i know its all different.

Its all new.

and I'm starting a new day.

The Start of a Future.

This girl has big dreams,

and an even bigger future.

So me being a sophomore and all

i have begun to think of a future.

a real one.

though putting dreams aside and trying

to get my mind out of the clouds

and into reality

is much harder than you might ever imagine,

i have worked my way through it.

Over and over again

i am being asked what it is

i want to be, what i want to do, where i want to go.

big decisions.

i am a huge dreamer, so thinking about the future

for me it is always extremely elaborate

and surreal.

Knowing i need to clear my head

and get going with graduation,

college,

and a career

so close in front of me,

i have sat down and thought.

Trust me it hasn't been so easy.

struggling through the thousands of different

job opportunities is overwhelming.

though some things have came in

a very close race.

 

english writing?

journalism?

teaching?

music director?

publicist?

They all came close,

some i tried to mix,

a music journalist?

an english teacher?

well in the end,

the one that i kept going back to,

was a

music teacher.

music has always

and forever

been very close to my heart.

and me being a dreamer,

i wish to go further than a music teacher,

maybe be a music producer,

a music publicist,

something major.

For me that all sounds like the

unable, the impossible.

Yes i know it can be done,

enough time, effort, dedication, money.

and you can do anything your wildest dreams

could ever imagine.

But with me being in reality,

my biggest future plan as of now is a music teacher.

I'd love love love,

to teach music to kids,

let them enjoy and fall in love with

music as much as i have.

But who knows,

thoughts can always change.

Maybe next year i will want to be

something completely different,

something iv never thought of before.

we will just have to see.

But for now, I'm extremely happy

with my career choice.

Ill strive to be the best, work harder,

and aim higher at becoming something more.

have you thought about your career?

or do you love the career you chose?

your wannabeblogger

gone for so long

Im sorry to all my readers

for being gone so long.

Life has been busy.

So many things have happened in the

time that has passed.

Last things i wrote about

was the horrific break up.

since then i have had many ups,

and many downs.

Down: trying to get over my him and failing.

Up: Boys from everywhere showing new interest.

Down: hurting a friend telling him i dont like him like that.

Up: Winning band competitions.

Down: losing a friend.

Up: gaining a new best friend.

Down: getting sucked into a guy that really meant nothing to me.

Up: I got new little kittens <3

Down: i pushed the one that sucked me in away.

(far away. all the way to pissed off land)

and finally the best up there is..

My him is once again mine.

 yes my past few weeks have been

slightly bipolar.

This week is

SPIRIT WEEK!

and homecoming is Friday night.

After all this time.

And all the mess.

Homecoming night will be all about

me and the one i love so much.

Always will love so much.

Always have loved so much.

I know im only 16.

Call me crazy,

or call it young love.

But this time..

Im not letting him escape.

your wannabeblogger

Take a Sick Day



Sadly to say i have been getting sick.

Only the worst thing ever!

Stuffy nose, Itchy eyes, Coughing, and Sleep deprived.

I hate being sick, the awful feeling of just wanting to do nothing.

And to make things even more horrible.

 this weekend is my sweet sixteen birthday party!

I best not be sick on my sweet sixteenth.

I hope i get better :(

I have an awesome birthday planned,

and i hope all goes well.

So for this week its all juices, soups, and medicines.

Cozy blankets, rest, and hope.

Though no matter what,

I'm pretty sure that my sweet 16 will turn out to be

amazing.

<3

your wannabeblogger

miss me will you??

You moved on so quickly,
did you even have time to miss me at all?

I don't wan't you back,
i just want to be missed.